Each year, on the second Sunday of May the world celebrates extraordinary human beings, the ones who carried us for nine months and loved us unconditionally from the moment we were born. Our mothers! We celebrate and thank them for being the most caring, loving, and special people in our lives.  

With social media being at the forefront of everything we do, these celebrations and acknowledgments are often shared on social media. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, every Mother’s Day, I can’t help but think of those who have lost their moms and how difficult this time must be for them. Therefore, I try not to post any Mother’s Day tributes on my social media.

While I am very lucky to still have my mom, I know of many who do not and often take this day to think of them and the hurt they must be going through. I also use this day to think of the great mother figures I’ve been fortunate to have in my life – in addition to my mother – and go through the memories we shared together.

The first one is someone I considered my second mom, my aunt, who played a huge role in the woman I have become today. And most recently, my partner’s mom who I was fortunate enough to meet before she passed.

Now, while I am not a daughter to these two amazing mothers who left me, I wonder how this day must be like for their children who have been left with a bit of emptiness after their passing, and so I wonder what they can do to cherish this day while remembering the good memories instead of feeling sad. Here are some ideas:

Arrange a video screening of a special day

Before the national lockdown caused by the Covid-19 pandemic, my partner, Boipelo had planned a special screening of her late mother’s wedding. She was going to gather her sisters, nephews, and nieces to watch one of her mom’s happiest days as a way of celebrating her.

Go through photo albums

It is always great looking through old photos. They help you go down memory lane and will often have you talking and laughing about those memories. It’s a great way of celebrating the good times as opposed to being sad on Mother’s Day.

Laugh it off

If your mom is anything like a typical black mom, then she was probably quite strict. Go through the times she was tough on you and the lessons learnt. If you have siblings or cousins, you can share which traits you think each sibling got from her. Those tough moments really are funny when you think of them after the fact. Just spend some time appreciating and laughing it all off.

Make her favourite food

On Mother’s Day, make some of her favourite dishes. Better yet, collect her favourite recipes and create a scrapbook with all of them. If your mom didn’t like to cook, then visit her favourite restaurant and share her favourite meal.

Wear her favourite item

If you have her favourite item of clothing (or anything, really), wear it or carry it on Mother’s Day as a constant reminder of her throughout the day. My partner wears her mother’s wedding ring daily, she got it resized into a pinkie ring and it helps feel her presence and reminder and that she is always with her.

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